


Ten Years

by witch_lit



Series: The Misery of Alec Lightwood [15]
Category: Mortal Instruments Series - Cassandra Clare
Genre: M/M, Post CoLS, Ten Years Later
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-02
Updated: 2013-02-02
Packaged: 2017-11-23 07:55:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,654
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/619794
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/witch_lit/pseuds/witch_lit
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's been ten years since Alec's life went down the drain, now he's back in New York and ready to make amends. Two-shot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Ten Years

Ten Years

It had been ten years since Alec left New York. Ten years since Magnus broke up with him, ten years since he stopped speaking to his family and lost all of his marks. Ten years since he was stripped of his principle of self. It had been ten years since he became a vampire.

It had happened in the tunnels, when he met Maureen. She turned him to cause chaos, and it did. A vampire hunt in New York, a search for her. It wasn't the kill-all bloodbath she'd expected to rupture the accords. She'd chosen the gay shadowhunter, a wrong choice if she expected a rage-filled battle between dozens of shadowhunters and vampires. For as smart as she might have been, she was stupid. Careless.

Not that it matters any longer. Alec took her head himself, something not exceedingly difficult with his shadowhunter training. It took days of him trying to become used to his new abilities (a major part of that a rejection that it had happened), but he came back strong and ready with a wrath tenfold of what he had planned for Camille. He enjoyed killing her. He wanted to kill more. Violence became his new favorite past-time. He'd spend the day with his clan, as leader, but when night came around you could find him backing up Jace.

Until Jace died. Sebastian killed him, out in the daylight when Alec couldn't protect him. Alec had never wanted blood so badly, not even under the crushing stress that becoming a vampire had pushed onto his unnaturally strong shoulders. He stopped speaking to Isabelle, the only remaining family who didn't care that he was a vampire, searching nonstop for Sebastian. He found him, too. It took a month, but he found him. He gave control of the clan to Raphael and fought Sebastian.

He lost, and didn't return to New York.

Until now.

He didn't know, not completely, why he'd decided to come back. Maybe because he missed his sister. Or because he'd just broken up with another no-good boyfriend. Maybe he missed home. Maybe he just wanted to say goodbye to his dead siblings again. He missed them, though time was wearing on the pain of it, letting him slowly just feel a dull throb every time he thought about them. Maybe it was the busy streets that he'd grown up on that he missed, not the foreign ones of San Francisco and Vancouver.

For whatever reason, he was home.

He rang the bell, and who he barely recognized as his sister answered it a minute later. Her eyes had dark bags under them, though he could see smile lines etched into her cheeks. She had grown an inch or so shorter, but looking down, Alec realized she wasn't wearing heels. He also noticed that her stomach was swollen, bulged out in a most pregnant manner.

"Isabelle..." He whispers, his eyes wide.

"Who are... Oh god, Alec? What the Hell are you doing here?"

Alec could almost flinch under his sister's hard, unwavering glare. But he's learned to be stronger in the last decade than to bow down to e glare of a human when he could go unblinking for minutes on end. The mucus produced to keep his eyes wet and usable is much more durable than that of a human, even one with angel blood.

"I just wanted to let you know I'd be in town for a while. I just wanted to say goodbye to Jace and Max. When did you get... I thought vampires couldn't have children."

Isabelle sighed, rubbing her temple. "I don't see how it's any of your business. You just left ten years ago."

"I sent postcards."

"Once a year! And that isn't enough! You should have been there for me. I needed you."

Alec sighed, pulling a scrap of paper from his pocket. He handed it to the woman he'd abandoned, telling her to call him. "I'll be on town for a few days. Maybe longer. But you can still call me at any time."

He left, feeling that he'd lost yet another person. There was hope, and the sting of death was never as harsh anymore. He'd gotten used to the people around him dying, be them shadowhunters, vampires or the odd warlock he'd chanced upon. It was something, he learned, that happened. Everyone had to die sometime.

Alec decided to walk through Brooklyn. It was a Saturday night, so he wasn't surprised to see lights on in Magnus' apartment. They were multicolored, and Alec could hear the faint leak of music from the sidewalk. He could see dark motorcycles on the street, ea tell-tale sign of vampires. He thought he saw a scooter, too. Must have been recently turned.

He wished he had an invitation, because in that moment all he wanted to do was see the host of the party. He knew it was a bad idea, but he just wanted to look at the warlock that had played a part in him being turned into a vampire. He wanted to look at his ex boyfriend, he wanted to chat, to catch up. Magnus was one of the best boyfriends he'd ever had. Magnus was supportive, funny, sarcastic. He didn't, as far as Alec knew, cheat, nor did he hit Alec around whenever he felt like it. If Magnus even recognized him under the vampirism and clothing change, he wouldn't want to talk to the young vampire. He said so, ten years ago, not a week before Alec was changed.

He stood still and stared at the apartment that he used to sometimes live in, remembering that he forgot to go and collect his things. He'd been busy, and now the warlock had probably thrown them all away. His favorite sweater, something that wouldn't go with the more stylish and tight garments he had begun to wear a few years ago because his boyfriend didn't like him if he didn't. It had sort of just stuck with him, tight clothes and a ring of dark eyeliner.

He'd left a copy of and there, an old copy that he did really want back. He'd never outgrown his love of books, and that was a well-worn love of his he'd accidentally stolen from the institute. Maybe he'd go over to get it tomorrow, say hi. He probably was unwelcome, but... He just wanted to see Magnus once again.

Sighing, Alec pulled his gaze from the apartment, shoving one foot in front of the other as he strided down cracked pavement, following the worn path back to the Hotel Dumort. Others might not see the occasional dead animal that is tell-tale of a vampire, but it made Alec smile every time a glossy-eyed bird crosses his path. These were vampires, his vampires. They'd remember him, and if he's lucky, give him a place to stay.

When he got to the hotel, he wasn't surprised that he was alone on the first floor. But he could hear activity above him, and he made his way up to the vampires he once lead. He hated leading, though, and was glad to leave. But he still wanted to come back, say hello to the people he recognized from the past.

When he reached his destination, Alec scanned the faces that were scanning his. He recognized a few, and was most surprised to find Simon there. It just seemed... Wrong, to have him there. To think he wasn't with his sister, who was swollen up and pregnant. Alec had never really imagined Simon anywhere else, though it made sense that they weren't together anymore. A vampire and a shadowhunter would hardly last, even without the Clave being sticky about it.

Some of the vampires, younger ones, rose with defensive looks on their faces, ready to attack should it be necessary. The older ones looked weary, but nonetheless nodded towards him.

"Alexander," they said, relaxing the younger vampires.

Alec nodded towards them, making his way towards Simon. He needed to ask the older vampire what'd been happening, who died while he was away and if Raphael was still in charge. He half-trusted Simon to give him reliable answers.

"I didn't recognize you at first."

"So you and Isabelle broke up," Alec noted, ignoring the comment and taking a seat next to the vampire he remembered mainly as a useless geek.

"A long time ago. She's with a shadowhunter now. I hear they're expecting."

"I noticed."

Simon whistled. "You went by? After leaving for ten years? Man, that takes guts."

Alec shrugged. "I figure she's going to die someday and I don't want to be on her bad side when it happens."

"I think she's going to hate you no matter what. She was furious when you left. She needed you to stay."

"I couldn't handle being here anymore."

"I know," Simon nodded. "But that doesn't mean she didn't take it hard."

"Anyone die while I was away?"

A shadow passed over Simon's face, but all it took was one word for Alec to understand. "Jocelyn."

Alec wanted so badly to know how.

"Sebastian did it. Creeped into the house one night. Unluckily for him, Isabelle was having a sleepover. The Clave destroyed his body."

Alec wanted to laugh. Of course he'd gotten his ass handed to him, only to have his sister accomplish the task he'd failed. Typical Alec. Never capable of anything. Just a pair of extra eyes, a body to be sacrificed when needed.

_You should be the dead one, not Jace._

"How's Magnus?"

"Moving on."

"I want to see him."

"He has a new boyfriend."

Alec felt a pang in his chest. He knew he wouldn't be the last one for Magnus. It was silly for either of them to ever think so.

"I just want to catch up."

They were silent for a few moments, quietly looking over the other vampires milling about the hotel, some of them returning their gazes.

"Raphael still head?"

"Yeah."

"Think he'll let me stay for a bit?"

"If you don't challenge him, yeah."

"The worst that can happen is he'll kick me out into the sun," Alec tried to joke.

"He might." Was the ending of their empty conversation.

He ended up staying the night at the Hotel Dumort, Raphael allowing him just that. Isabelle didn't call,and as soon as the sun had set Alec found himself ringing Magnus's doorbell. It wasn't Magnus who answered, though, but a guy with a voice Alec couldn't quite place.

"Bane residence. We're a bit... Busy."

"Should I come back tomorrow?" Alec asked, suddenly nervous as he stood on his ex-boyfriend's doorstep.

"Who is it, darling?" A deep voice piped in the background, one that made Alec's dull heart squeeze just a bit.

"I don't know. Should I ask?"

A growled yes on the end of the line.

"I'm a friend of Magnus's. I just wanted to talk to him, but if you're busy I'll go..."

"Well, I'm always curious about any friend of Magnus's. Why don't you come up?" the door unlocked, and Alec found himself uneasily making his way into the apartment. It'd been remodeled since he was last there, but he soon found Magnus sitting on the couch, arguing playfully with someone he hadn't expected to see.

"Ivan," Alec said, while Magnus took half a second to drop his smile and say, "Alec."

There was silence for a few moments, before Ivan broke it, looking back between his current and ex boyfriend. "You two know each other?"

"You two know each other?" Magnus asked in response to his new boyfriend's question while Alec remained at the mouth of the room.

"We dated a couple of years ago," Ivan explained. "He'd only been in San Francisco for a couple years. Now explain how you know him."

Magnus sighed, rubbing his temples. "I dated him ten years ago. Back when he was still a shadowhunter."

Ivan looked surprised that Alec was once a shadowhunter, but then, Alec never talked about before he was a vampire, not to anyone. Ever. Sometimes Ivan had wondered if Alec even remembered those days, but he must have.

"That explains a lot." Ivan decided, getting up to hug his ex. They hadn't ended on bad terms; they just realized that they were never really in love. There was something wrong with their ideas and ideals of love. They worked better as friends, and that was what they were for quite a while. Ivan would get Alec out of some of his worse scams of relationships, Alec would listen while Ivan raged about scones or how annoying it was not having toenails. How he wished he'd gotten some other mark, not these weird, deformed feet. Alec had never minded.

"Explains a lot of what?" Magnus asked, raising his eyebrows in a way that used to make Alec's heart flutter like a group of deformed butterflies.

Ivan passed a look to Alec, but merely smiled at Magnus as he sat down next to the other warlock.

"Should I go?" Alec asked, the idea of escaping this odd dream somewhat pleasant.

Ivan shook his head. "You wanted to talk to Magnus. I think we should all just...talk."

"Ah." Alec decided, bringing himself into the brightly colored room. Magnus raised an eyebrow as he sat down, an eyebrow that, a long time ago in a different light, would have chills running down his spine.

"What's with the look?" Magnus asks, referring to the tight patterns that restricted the vampire.

"Isn't that how he usually dresses?" Ivan asked, causing Magnus to shake his head.

"I could never get a pair of skinnies on him. I tried very hard, mind you..."

Ivan laughed. "Really? I could never get him in something that wasn't skin-tight. I wonder why..."

Both of them turned to the vampire, who was grateful he didn't have enough blood inside him to blush. "It was... Uh... I wasn't..." Alec felt bad about that time in his life, his transition from baggy to tight. It wasn't one he had made willingly, but rather one that would keep a hand from smacking across his cheek. "I don't want to talk about it."

"Oh," Ivan said, immediately understanding. Magnus looked confused, and Alec didn't want him to understand. To know that he wasn't even good enough for someone who hit him, who made him change. He'd been cheated on then, too. He'd moved down to San Francisco right after, fleeing Vancouver. It hadn't been a good experience.

"What do you mean, oh?" Magnus asked, looking at his boyfriend.

"How have you guys been?" Alec asked, catching Ivan's eye as a look of understanding passed between them.

"Happy," Ivan smiled, twining his fingers with the other warlock's.

"That's all I wanted to hear," Alec smiled, turning to the door. "Goodbye."

"Where are you going?" Magnus asked.

"Away. I'll be in New York for a day or two before I leave. Maybe I'll see you two again someday."

"Be careful," Ivan called out after him. "And don't let anyone shove you around!"

Alec chuckled as he closed the door. Ivan already knew he would be getting himself into trouble. Knew he'd be drinking, knew Alec'd have new scars to heal in a week's time. But he minded his words and didn't protest, because he knew it would happen anyway. It was the thing that had made them impossible together; Alec was always trying to find ways to kill himself without taking the coward's path out.

But Alec was off to a new city, soon maybe even a new country. He never did get that call from Isabelle. His sister hated him until the day she died in childbirth, only three months after Alec's visit. The child died, too.

And not too soon, Alec was the only Lightwood left, struggling to kill himself in a world full of false saviors.

He never did get that book back.

 


	2. Fifteen Years

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Fifteen years and a chance meeting.

Alec lets out a rattled sigh as he collapses down on the bar stool, nervous and tired and more than a little paranoid. He shouldn't be here, he knows, but its not like Jeremy will ever know. He hit Alec until the stress of the day and his life was forgotten, fucked him and left. Off to screw someone else, Alec assumes, all while the bastard knows Alec wouldn't cheat. He's got all he needs, all he deserves in Jeremy. Someone who loves to hate him, who hits him hard enough that it's been over an hour and there's still a purple mark and his ribs haven't completely mended. Hard enough that breathing is awkward, that he would honestly prefer not to at this point.

But it's okay, it has to be okay. Because this is what he deserves. He's let so many terrible things happen and it's only natural that he's punished. He's an awful person, and awful people deserve to be treated like the scum of the earth because that's exactly what they fucking are. Alone in a bar, wearing clothes that aren't as tight as what he's become used to, but nowhere near as baggy as what he wore when he was alive, he orders something to be laced in a glass of blood, strong enough to hit even a vampire. It's not too difficult in a bar meant for the shadow world, and be downs it, ordering a second as soon as the first one arrives.

Alec slows down a bit after his first two drinks, getting something less mind-numbing as his vision starts to become less jagged and bitter. People talk him, edging away as they see the still-healing bruise blooming across the left side of his face, not wanting to look at the scraps of pain and failure. The result of a wasted life, something that their minds whisper to them make them turn away with the suspicion that Alec should have defended himself. Some of them might get off on it, though, but they leave the vampire well enough alone as he lacks the desire for company of any source closer than a meter or two. Still, people will sometimes come up to him.

"It's not often I see an ass like that," A honey voice says, sliding into the seat next to Alec. "Very impressive."

Alec looks up just as the man takes in his face, and he's so lost he stutters for a second. He's spared words, though, by the warlock's intense gaze his face and the blood distorting the skin color. Really, Alec had thought vampires didn't bruise, because of blood and shit. But it took him less than a month after he was turned to discover just how wrong that hypothesis was.

"Alexander, what the hell happened to your face?" Magnus says after a long stretch of silence, and Alec takes a long sip of his dark-coloured drink. He doesn't really want to talk about it, he doesn't really want Magnus to know. He wonders, briefly, if the warlock still has his copy of Jekyll and Hyde. He'll have to get it back this time. He forgot to get it when he was last in New York fifteen years ago, too surprised by Magnus and Ivan. Who aren't together any longer, it would seem, what with Magnus complimenting his backside without so much as seeing his face.

"What're you doing in London?" Alec asks, his words slightly slurred together like one heap of lazy letters. He's not completely there, due to the drinks he's already consumed to calm his raging nerves, but he hasn't been completely anywhere for a long time. Just in between real and fake, black and white, love and hate. The dull crayon squishing the divider in the box.

"Visiting. What about you?" Magnus asks, dropping the subject and ordering a barley pop as the bar tender comes back around. If he knows Magnus, though, the gradually lightening bruise on his face will be caught from its fall at some point and returned to its place in their conversation. Angel, Alec doesn't want to have to talk about it. At the same time, though, he just wants to spill every event of his life to Magnus, tell him about every stupid thing he's inflicted upon himself by being an awful person.

Alec shrugs, then winces as he feels his ribs snapping back into the same place. "Living," he says, though it isn't the true answer. Dying would be correct, surviving, maybe just... Being. Not enjoying himself. He hasn't earned that, not with all the skeletons giving him no space for clothes in his closet. He's betrayed everything that was once important to him, in some way or another.

"Can I buy you a drink?"

Alec laughs, something that a jab of unpleasantness through his chest stops. "I think I might've already had too many, but yeah, you can."

Magnus orders Alec something or other with a low alcohol content, and Alec takes the opportunity to look at Magnus. He hardly looks any older than the day they met, twenty-five years ago, at a party that's painful to remember, but he still keeps guarded inside his mind. He never want to forget it, because that would mean forgetting Magnus, the warlock right next to him, and the good times they had together that just maybe Alec deserved at the time, and that's what's kept Alec strong when he wanted to do something as dishonorable as killing himself because he just couldn't take it any more.

Magnus isn't as sparkly as he used to be, not quite as bright. Keeping with the fashions, Alec has to assume, and color isn't in. His leather jacket is a muted, dark red, and the shirt underneath is tight black. His pants are tight and vinyl, black, reflecting the yellow glow of the toned bar lights, and they show off everything, if Alec can remember right. And he probably does, as that's where he goes, inside himself, when the nights get too rough for him to bear.

They start out talking about the weather, the way all good conversation starts, which is a bit odd, as Magnus talks about the daily sun and temperature, while Alec is only ever around at night. They talk about the world and they drink, the edge nearly completely gone as Alec's undead liver is put to the test. Not quite drunk, but past tipsy.

"Do you want me to call you a cabbie?" Magnus asks, looking to his watch with a bit of surprise. "The sun should be up soon."

Alec nods, finishing off his drink. "Yeah. Gotta get back. It'll hurt more later if I don't go now."

He shouldn't have said that. Magnus's cat eyes, green and gold and laced with worry, tell him that more than his own head. He's not so sure why it's such a big deal. Magnus should know that it's all he's worth.

"What do you mean by that?" Magnus asks. Careful, afraid.

Alec shakes his head. "Nevermin' me."

"Alec. Tell me why it's going to hurt when you go?" Magnus isn't asking, of course not. He's drawn up his posture, his shoulders tense and Alec can see age slipping off of him like a ring of power, a veil of time he'll never match up to. Alec can't say no to him, not just because he's Magnus and he's old but also because he owes it to the warlock.

"Jeremy doesn't like it when I go out," He mutters, his gaze down to the side, hair hiding blue eyes and a yellowing bruise. He doesn't want Magnus to know. Magnus seems better than that, and Alec knows the warlock will worry and he doesn't want that. He betrayed Magnus.

"Alec..." The warlock puts down his glass, finding the vampire's hand and hooking on to it. "You're coming back with me tonight."

Alec shakes his head. "No, I couldn't..."

"You're not having any say in the matter." Magnus puts down enough money to cover the tab, dragging Alec up off the bar stool and to the exit.

The ex-shadowhunter tries to stop him, say no, but his pleas fall on deaf ears. But if Magnus knew, he wouldn't have dragged Alec off. He's a terrible person, he's doesnt deserve this. He killed that girl in cold blood. It's all his fault. He's made mistakes no one should ever forgive.

Magnus pulls him into a hotel building, smiling to any odd looks from the staff, and up a flight of stairs to the top level. Alec should have expected the top room as he's pulled into it, the door locked behind them.

"Do you need something to sleep in?" Magnus asks, already searching for a pair of pajama bottoms in a purple suitcase.

"Magnus, I shouldn't be here." Alec says firmly, but Magnus just tosses him a pair of dark bottoms as a form of protest.

"I invited you."

"Magnus... I've changed. I'm not someone you should be associating with."

"You seem fine to me." Magnus shrugs, and to anyone else Alec would think he's just being obtuse, but the ageless eyes speak differently than the tongue. This is a Magnus who he doesn't want to argue with.

"I... Fine. But only because the sun is rising so soon."

He goes to the bathroom to change. He doesn't want Magnus to see the permanent scar up his ribs, or the still-there bruise swelling over his healed ribs. The little scars between his legs, the little gouge in his hip that'll never go away. Shadowhunter weapons, in the hands of the wrong and the right people.

He leaves the bathroom with the pajama bottoms and his shirt, clutching the rest of his clothes in his hands. Magnus motions him to a large bed, and Alec understands that they're sharing. Sharing a bed, nothing more, nothing less. There won't be any sex, there won't be too much pressure, just two bodies of differing temperatures pressed together, next to each other, not necessarily breathing but  _there._  With someone who won't hit him, even if he really deserves it. The day will be easy, just him and Magnus in a bed. Magnus will sleep, and Alec will rest. He'll be surrounded by all of the  _good_ memories, not the bad ones that always follow.

So he lays there, letting his system clear itself and repair all that he's broken. He listens to Magnus breath, taking in breaths himself to give Magnus some familiarity. He lays in that bed for hours, wishing he could soak up its smell because it smells like  _Magnus._ And Angel, he's missed it. He's missed a lot of things, while he was punishing himself. Things like Magnus, things like his sister. Things like comfort, maybe even love.

And Alec's sure, though maybe just for a few hours, that Magnus loves him. When the warlock pulls him close, though asleep, squeezing him into his chest, Alec feels loved. And it has been  _so long_ since he last felt like this. Decades, and he doesn't want it to change. He doesn't want to go back. Oh Angel, he doesn't want to be hit just because he's there. He doesn't want to be run by everyone else, put down, scolded for things he can't control. He doesn't want a life drowning in self-hatred. He wants to love himself, and be loved. He wants this moment with Magnus to last forever.

Forever is a long time. Magnus used to always say that, and Alec, after being alive for just over forty years, agrees. Forever is a very long time. But just maybe, he'd like to spend it with Magnus. He's done being a punching bag. Done with it all. He wants Magnus, and when the warlock wakes up he just grins at Alec.

"You ready to go back home now?"

And Alec is. He really, really is.

 

**Author's Note:**

> I got a request to add more to this, so I will be.


End file.
